RISKbitz goes to Monte Carlo, day 1

RISKbitz goes to Monte Carlo, day 1

Broker ‘twerked’ at awards ceremony 

Reinsurance broker Steve Grabber has been heavily criticised by the world’s reinsurance media for his risqué performance at a recent industry awards ceremony. Asked to present an award, Grabber, 47, appeared dressed in a skin-coloured ‘nude’ suit and proceeded to ‘twerk’ or dance suggestively, shaking his hips up and down, thrusting his groin and wiggling his bottom at the audience of bemused reinsurance executives.

“How is this behaviour appropriate for a middle-aged audience,” said one critic. “This isn’t 14 year olds at an MTV awards ceremony. These are senior, C-suite executives of some of the leading BB- rated reinsurers. They don’t want to see a broker contorting himself inappropriately for their benefit. They see enough of that at renewal time.” He added, “As middle-aged men going through mid-life crises, what they want is Miley Cyrus trying to be raunchy.”

However, Grabber said he wasn’t embarrassed by the performance and said it was expected of him. “It’s what the awards’ organisers are crying out for – a bit of controversy. Look at last year when Sir Dudley ‘Dumbo’ Duddleston snogged Sir Norbert ‘Nobby’ Johnson. Or the year before when Ian Luddite, chief executive of the Luddite Agency, got his actuarial tables out in the middle of the ceremony.”

He added: “It’s just Grabber being Grabber, y’all”. His father, Billy Ray Grabber, was said to have been hospitalised with a heart condition caused by the furore. 


SCIENCE NEWS: Fossil broker rediscovered in London
 

The first broker to have been officially declared extinct by the International Union for Conservation of Intermediaries (IUCI) has been rediscovered in the City of London after some 60 years and turns out to be a unique “living fossil,” without close relatives among other living brokers.

The Ellemex Spiral broker was catalogued within the Glottalstoppus group when it was first discovered in the bar of Fenchurch St station in the early 1970s. The broker was thought to have disappeared following the drying up of the public houses around EC3 in the early Nineties, and was declared extinct by the IUCI in 1996. As a result, the opportunity to discover more about this species’ history, biology and ecology was thought to have disappeared.

However, a team of Israeli, German and French researchers now report in the scientific journal Nature Communications on an in-depth scientific analysis of this enigmatic intermediary.

Based on new genetic analyses of rediscovered individuals and the morphologic analyses of extant and fossil bones, the conclusion is that the wide pinstriped Ellemex Spiral broker differs strongly from its other living relatives, the smart casual brokers that inhabit Starbucks and Pret A Manger. Instead, the Ellemex Spiral broker is related to a genus of fossil brokers, which were found over much of the London market dating back to prehistoric periods and has been considered extinct for about a million years.

Controversial plans to reflood parts of the City with beer and restore the broker’s original smoky habitat are in place, which may allow expansion in population size and a secure future for the Ellemex Spiral broker.

Some scientists have warned that the reintroduction of the Ellemex Spiral broker could prove disastrous, however, because of its voracious appetite for premium commission.


No Direction to headline Monte Carlo  

The new underwriting agency No Direction is to headline Monte Carlo as part of its world tour. Adored by millions of screaming brokers due to its enormous contingent commissions, the agency has made worldwide profits of $25bn since its formation three years ago.

The agency’s success is largely down to social media – the agency regularly tweets about how much money it is making, how it really, really loves its brokers, and how to have lovely hair .

The agency was formed in 2010 when its five founding underwriters failed with solo attempts to raise any capital at all that year. However, once they teamed up together, they had the third-largest capacity in the reinsurance market. Bringing in Sir Norbert “Nobby” Johnson as their advisor led to No Direction “breaking” America, and the agency went from strength to strength around the world, eclipsing even Beeber Re, and leading the so-called British invasion. The name, No Direction, is believed to have come from the agency’s determination not to focus on any one market, but to spread itself thinly across the world’s reinsurance markets.

Critics have pointed out that the agency cannot underwrite, has a poor record on claims handling, and is essentially naïve capacity. However, they acknowledge that the agency goes down a Cat 1 storm at the big gigs such as Monte Carlo and Baden-Baden, and it has lovely hair .

No Direction told fans: “We’re really looking forward to playing the Sporting d’Hiver and the Hotel de Paris, and the foyer of the Hermitage where we’ll be signing copies of our latest portfolio and handing out free pen drives.”

 

 

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November 2017

 

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