RISKbitz July / August 2017

RISKbitz July / August 2017

Brexodus leads to surge in price of copper

An outflux of London insurers setting up EU offices for Brexit is creating an unintended commodities market boom.

Copper prices have soared in recent weeks, in response to the number of London market re/insurance firms setting up overseas subsidiaries to keep access to EU business following Brexit.

Brussels, Luxembourg and Dublin are among those hubs where traditional makers of brass plate signage (made of a copper alloy) are experiencing greatest demand, RISKbitz understands.

Tax lawyers and Brasso retailers are also reportedly seeing surges in enquiries, while temporary office furnishings – led by board table rentals, leased for one day per quarter – are expected to show periodic spikes in demand.

Traders cashed in on the surge in copper pricing, in a commodities market which has otherwise seen prices plunge in recent years. Meanwhile, the price of leasing office space in London’s EC3 insurance quarter has remains “strong and stable”, according to one source.

Legendary EC3 pubs such as The Grapes and The Lamb Tavern are understood to be staying put but they are also negotiating to set up Belgian subsidiaries to ensure market pisspotting access , subject to language and slurring barriers to gaining approval from Belgium’s Trappist ale regulators .

“We’re not taking any chances,” Reggie Geezer, the publican of one EC3 drinking establishment told RISKbitz. “Brass plates on doors is one thing, but if anyone actually moves, they’re still going to need their lunchtime 568-millilitre sharpener, innit.”

Soma Prolutions scoops industry PR awards

The 2017 Insurance Industry PR Award winners have been announced at an exclusive dinner held at the Nap Inn Motel, Moto Services, junction 19 on the M4.

The prestigious Insurance PR Consultancy of the Year accolade was won for the third time running by Soma Prolutions Partners, which was coincidentally the platinum sponsor of the event.

The judges’ panel, which comprised industry journalists and advertising managers as well as marketing executives, commended Soma for its press releases, media relations and strategic planning expertise.

Trade journalist Virginia Creeper said she relished receiving press releases from Soma clients: “They need very little rewriting. All I have to do is correct the spelling and syntax, change all the capital letters to lower case, delete the references to ‘solutions’, ‘leveraging’ and ‘value propositions’ and then put them in the junk folder.”

City editor Maxwell Payne commented that Soma Prolutions could always be relied on for a leak. “I was in the gents at their offices the other day and the guys in the stall next to me were talking loudly about how Mega Broker’s CEO was being investigated by the FCA. Easy scoop. Thanks Prolutions.”

Advertising sales manager Kevin Doshman said that he was always ready to work with Soma Prolutions when insurance clients are planning a media campaign. “When Soma reaches out to me with a value added pitch re their key takeaways I’m always ready to get on all fours and help them flex the client’s budget. Especially if looking at their deck involves a three bottle lunch at a Michelin-starred restaurant, hahahaha!”

Soma Prolutions managing partner Harry Nicebut-Dimme said he was thrilled to receive the award for the third year running.

“This Award is an endorsement of Prolutions’ relentless success in rolling out its Enhanced Footprint and scaleable PR feature-set across different Market Verticals,” his junior PA stated.

You heard it here first: predictive news from RISKbitz

London City, Offshore UK plc, August 26, 2067: New research from an IT services company that specialises in industry 5.0 transformation indicates that robots are becoming more comfortable with taking advice from brokers when it comes to insurance matters.

In a survey of over 1,200 UK bots, it was revealed that one in four robots would either definitely, or possibly, trust a human - such as a broker - to provide advice on a personal matters surrounding insurance.

The findings also point towards a generational split in views towards broker advice. Those bots between the ages of 16 and 34 placed most trust in human brokers (33%), whilst only 21% of bots between the ages of 45 and 55+ would be happy with this form of interaction.

In terms of the type of advice bots would feel comfortable in taking from a human, nearly one in five (19%) would trust broker guidance on how to claim for something, for example a driverless car accident or drone theft.

When it comes to what kinds of insurance policies robots would trust broker services for, more bots would trust human advice for extended warranty insurance (19%) than for botlet insurance (12%) .

Bruxembourg, Europa, August 26, 2067: Breaking News. Insurance Europe says it is hopeful that a covered agreement for reinsurance will soon be reached between the Trump Empire and Europa despite the Trump Empire’s recent announcement that it is planning to build a wall around the continent.

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May 2018


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